First letter

As you know, my boyfriend is in army. I think he mails a letter on next weekend. When he ready to join army, he said to me "Maybe 20 days later, you take my letter". After school, I arrive at home and see a letter on my mail-box. My face turns white, my hands are shaking. My heart went pit-a-pat. Small pieces of papers in an envelope. From 2nd to 5th, he wrote letters on small note. That is I bought to him. He said very missing me but he control his mind and don't give up. He said that he want to say "I love you" but he writes that words, he crying. I'm crying. I miss him very much. I want to see him very much. I write a letter to him but I can't say "I miss you and I want to see you". That's because if I write that words, he will be very sad. I want to see him very much. Everyday I see a his picture.